Episode 93: Jenna’s Story || Solve The World

Oh man, if the music at the beginning is anything to go by, this is going to be an intense and heart breaking episode. I can just tell. Also the way Dante said the episode name. Having Jenn ask us to think about our earliest memory was haunting for me and I’m really curious as to what people thought of for it? For me, it was being 5 or 6 and wanting to go on a bouncy castle. My Mum told me to go and ask the man how much it was and said I could if it wasn’t too expensive. So I did so and came back saying it was 50 pence. I don’t remember if she let me go on or not though…

The way Jenn talks about childhood as a thing that has passed and something we’ve missed but was boring. That really hit me, as someone in my early/mid-twenties I am in a place where I found myself thinking a lot about how things were compared with how they are. And Jenn seemed to put that into words.

Holy shit. This is intense. I’ve been hoping for so long that we would get something of Jenn’s parents. But hearing her talk of being in the closet, being kept in the closet is horrible. That poor girl. Always food and a lollypop. Why? God… I really want to know how old this little Jenn is talking about the wall. Ah, she’s 4 or 5. God, this little, young girl who doesn’t know her age or her birthday.

Oh my gosh, I feel so broken for Jenn. This is so horrible. I literally just want to pull her into a hug and keep her safe. That poor girl. God, her mother is a bitch. It’s hard the way Jenn talks about her Mother not being malicious, she said earlier that she beat her a bit and later says she never intentionally beat her. God…

Everything above that divide is what I wrote while listening to the episode. I have now finished it and I want to try and gather my thoughts together. This episode is so important because it finally answers the question that I have been asking for so long. It’s a question I’ve literally asked Dante a number of times and never got a real answer: How does a seventeen year old walk out of home and have no parental repercussions. It led on to how do her parents feel of what she had become in the world. I wanted to know about Jenn’s life before the podcast and now I’ve got that.

I’m always worried when I get what I want that I’m going to, in some way, be disappointed. When you make a big deal of something there’s always the worry it won’t live up to that. I’m not disappointed, holy shit, I’m not. If anything, I am overwhelmed. I am completely overwhelmed by this young child who went through so much and didn’t even really know what she was going through.

I really feel like I need to go back and listen to episode one: Meet Jennifer Dash to really be able to wrap my head around this episode. I don’t even know how to use coherent words at the moment. That episode was… it was haunting. Just haunting.

Okay, so I’m currently listening to episode one. And in the first description of Jennifer Dash, Dante tells us that she could pass for a tall 14 year old or a college graduate. Nothing weird about that but now we know about her past, this is fascinating because the truth is Jenn could be anywhere between those ages. She doesn’t know how old she is. She’s had no formal education, no grading system to tell her her age and smarts. She might be 14, she might be 22, so she called herself 17 because it’s a good, middling number.

Episode one is so much darker with the knowledge of episode 93 in my mind. Jenn talks of wanting to discover the world and make sure she gets her facts right for herself and that stems from the Shadow Figure, her Mother, who kept her living in a dark closet and fed her lies about the world. It comes from the man she believed to be a friend of hers but who also allowed those lies to continue for her.

Let the past lie down and sleep, it can’t help me now anyway. Of course, Jenn wants to call everything a myth, of course she doesn’t trust what she’s learnt. So much of what she was told was a lie created to keep her trapped. The poor girl, deserves better than this. No wander she wanted to solve the world when the world was an entire mystery to her. God. I want to give this girl a hug.

The letter. Oh my god. The letter! It’s her. That’s the first real look we got of pre-Episode one Jenn. We don’t know at the time that the letter was from her to her neighbour. Ugh this just adds so much to what was already a great opening for the series.

Jenn was well aware that not eating lead to bad paths of dark dark doom. Oh Jenn, bby, love, it’s okay… Gosh. Episode one is really tragic with the addition of episode 93 and the information it gave us.

Haha, I am laughing at how light and cheery the music is at the end of Episode One. Wow. Wow. Damn you, Dante. I think you broke me.


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